It’s a rare event that deserves to be called both a “high-stakes pursuit” and “a gentle stroll.” Yet, North Charleston, South Carolina, now has a memorable entry in this exceedingly niche category. According to details compiled by the Associated Press, local police recently found themselves drawn into a chase that unfolded at the speed of a determined mall walker—just three miles an hour—after a burglary suspect selected an excavator as his getaway vehicle of (dubious) choice.

Chasing Trouble, One Tread at a Time

Described early in the AP’s report, officers on a separate call around 3:30 a.m. noticed a construction excavator trundling across U.S. Highway 78. Within minutes, a business was reported burglarized and heavily damaged, connecting the dots—and the treads—between a crime and the world’s least subtle escape. The suspect was, at that moment, already lumbering down a main road in a vehicle that is built for digging trenches, not losing tails.

What followed wasn’t exactly “The Fast and the Furious.” The outlet recounts how several police cruisers, lights and sirens in full display, commenced a pursuit so slow that officers routinely had to brake or idle to keep from overtaking the getaway driver. Attempting to arrest the driver via loudspeaker, and blocking ahead traffic, police created the sort of scene usually reserved for parades or, perhaps, ambitious toddlers behind the wheel of toy cars. One wonders about the planning sessions that led to this outcome—was the element of surprise supposed to be the key advantage?

When Drama Runs Out of Gas

The spectacle, as previously noted by the AP, lasted an hour and twelve minutes. The unlikely procession rolled steadily on until the suspect attempted a last-minute change of venue, veering onto the Charleston County Fairgrounds—only to have the excavator bog down, ending any hope (however modest) of a clean getaway.

In a final act, detailed in the outlet, the 53-year-old suspect abandoned the excavator in favor of fleeing on foot. A police drone tracked his progress, and—inevitably—a police dog and handler soon closed out the world’s least urgent manhunt. Jail records cited in the Associated Press account indicate the individual now faces charges of failure to stop for a blue light and two counts of malicious injury to real property, his bail set at $22,000.

Slow Pursuits, Fast Reflections

There’s a peculiar beauty in these fringe tales where modern infrastructure meets human unpredictability. Does one steal an excavator for the thrill, hoping the stares from passersby will distract from the chase itself, or was it simply a matter of proximity and opportunism? The psychology at play in choosing an escape vehicle that can be outpaced by grade-schoolers on roller skates is, if nothing else, a curious footnote in the annals of criminal improvisation.

And for the officers, there’s the strange irony of a chase so slow that their greatest challenge was not arriving at the scene before the suspect, uninvited. It’s hard not to picture a few exchanged glances and a collective, “Is this really happening?”

Ultimately, as the odd parade concluded in the soft mud of the fairgrounds, North Charleston gained not just a story for the town’s “you’ll never guess what happened last night” circuit, but another vignette for the ever-expanding volume of slow-motion spectacles that prove reality’s capacity for surprise. How many other chases end with both sides having time to reflect on their life choices—in real time—before the final curtain falls?