Every now and then, a news item surfaces that tests the boundaries of both credulity and common sense, and this week Memphis provides a contender. The saga of Decarlo Pitchford, reported with unsubtle incredulity by Fox Local and detailed by the New York Post, seems destined to join the pantheon of stories you have to read twice just to make sure it’s not a satire.

The Emergency Beer Stop

According to a Facebook post from the Shelby County District Attorney’s Office, as cited by Fox Local, 51-year-old Decarlo Pitchford allegedly shot his wife in the course of a domestic dispute last month. The victim told police she was attempting to leave when Pitchford blocked her, and that he said, “I told you to stop playing with me” before firing the gun.

That quote also appears in the New York Post’s reporting, which builds out the timeline a bit further: The incident happened on July 19 at the couple’s home, and the weapon was identified as a Ruger handgun. After shooting his wife in the abdomen, Pitchford reportedly ferried her towards Methodist University Hospital—behind the wheel of his Dodge Ram. In a detail that immediately launched this story into local legend status, the New York Post notes that authorities say Pitchford pulled over en route to pick up a beer for himself. Police did not specify the shop, the kind of beer, or the amount of time spent, perhaps sparing us all another eyebrow raise.

Both outlets rely heavily on the statements provided by the Shelby County DA. Fox Local emphasizes the bizarre juxtaposition: a drive to seek medical help following a serious crime, interrupted by a refreshment run.

Sorting the Facts and the Charges

Details about the victim’s current medical condition remain unaddressed by official sources, with both Fox Local and the New York Post noting authorities have been tight-lipped on that front.

Charges vary slightly by outlet: Fox Local reports Pitchford faces second-degree murder, domestic assault, and felon in possession of a firearm. Court records quoted by the New York Post list the charges as attempted murder in the second degree, domestic assault, being a felon in possession of a firearm, and theft of property. Regardless of phrasing, the consequences are substantial, and his bond has been set at $350,000.

Pitchford, as described in both outlets, provided police with a different account—he claimed the shooting was accidental, thinking the gun was jammed. The victim, conversely, was clear in stating her belief that it was intentional. There’s a striking contrast between these assertions, and one wonders if the beer stop was intended to be part of any valiant rescue narrative he had in mind.

The Unexpected Detour of Human Priorities

There’s nothing remotely lighthearted about gun violence or domestic conflict, yet even in the bleakest stories, the particulars—like stopping for beer with a bleeding spouse in the passenger seat—invite a head-shake and reflection on the unpredictability of human priorities. The New York Post documents that the beer run detail comes straight from the official Facebook post by local prosecutors, confirming this isn’t some distorted internet rumor.

What possible calculations or impulses led Pitchford to view a beer as an indispensable detour at that exact moment? Stress, shock, indifference—maybe this is a question for philosophers, or at least for anyone who’s ever worked at a convenience store along a hospital route. The reports offer no speculation, just the facts, and perhaps that’s deliberate.

When the Absurd Meets the Appalling

Stories like this one blur the already uneven lines between tragedy and farce. As relayed by Fox Local and corroborated in the New York Post, we’re left with a case where domestic violence, a questionable rescue attempt, and a highly questionable beer pitstop combine into a scenario that is both appalling and oddly emblematic of a certain genre of real-life absurdities.

So, as this story continues its progress through Tennessee’s legal system—and as the specifics of the beer remain, mercifully, unknown—one can only marvel at the order of operations when everything else is in free fall. Do the headlines reflect desperation, callousness, or merely the everyday chaos of bad decisions on parade? No matter the answer, it’s a reminder: sometimes, the strangest detours are absolutely real.